Dear Christal, You don’t know me yet, but I know you very well. No, I am not a stalker. Lets just say someone very close to you. Someone you will get a chance to meet in the near future. Now you are probably reading this suspiciously and are a little freaked out. I promise I mean no harm and if you continue reading this, I am sure you will find great value… or not, who knows, you can be stubborn at times. What I do know Christal is you are very blessed, in every sense of the word. Yes I know, blessed is a vague term, and who really knows what this means? I guess no one fully understands. People get so caught up in life, days go by so fast, and even when we love people the most, we don’t truly understand the impact they have on our lives. The fact is, a blessing doesn’t always come in a beautifully wrapped package with a bow. Sometimes blessings come in a trashcan full of dog shit where finding the way out or even just knowing how to deal with the smell is the real blessing. I know you are in high school right now and actually have a chance at being a normal teen now that you live with your dad, but I also know you frequently think about your sister and how she was left in the hell hole you tried so hard to leave. It fills you with regret, worry, and even thoughts of being too selfish. I understand. You were her big sister, her primary care taker but please listen to my words. YOU WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO TAKE ON THAT ROLE. That’s easy for someone else to say right? Well, I will also tell you that this instinct of protection and nurturing will be embedded in your soul long after your teen years. This instinct will cause some extreme pain, but even more “out of this world” joys. Your experiences will continue to shape your sister and guide her to be a smart and responsible woman. There is one thing I should inform you of so you don’t get blindsided like I did… Your sister gets married at 17 years old. I know you will try to persuade her otherwise but she will need to make this decision on her own. The positive to this Christal, is she will come out of this marriage stronger and even wiser. What? Did you think I was going to tell you she lived happily ever after? She got married at 17!!! Your sister is in great shape right now and working in a well paying job with Rosie. I know! Crazy! Hopefully I’ve taken some of the pressure off your shoulders, because I’m going to probably add some back on. I want to talk to you about your mom. I understand right now you go through off and on times with her. The “on” is ok and sometimes she shocks you at how loving she is. Then, like a light switch, Medusa pops out and you only HOPE you will be turned into stone so you don’t have to deal with such wrath. This Christal, is something you, unfortunately, will have to deal with for the rest of your life. In fact, I am still trying to find the deeper part of myself to deal with this same situation. I want you to know she really loves you. What is unfortunate for your mom is she will never know how to keep close relationships. She will always rely on you and your sister and she will never fully understand the ways you need to feel loved. What I recommend is for you to try to erase all the expectations you have for her and to appreciate whatever sane time you can get with each other. Going through the situations you have with your mother will make you so much stronger and smarter when dealing with people. This will turn into a passion you will find later in life. As you get older, you will also be able to better help your sister who will struggle with the same thing. Offer her guidance and support with this matter. Help her to control her emotions. You will soon find out that how you react to a situation makes all the difference. On the flip side, your stepmom Coco is a wonderful mother and will be there consistently with love and support. Appreciate this relationship. To have a strong mother figure in your life when your mother is unable, was a blessing sent by whatever higher being you believe in. Oh yes, I know you are questioning religion now. Religion or no religion, there is no question how lucky you were to be born to a father like the one you have. I know you idolize him right now even though you may make (what he calls) “knuckle head” decisions. His influence has created a standard for the rest of the men you will let in your life. Going into the relationship part for a bit. You are going to start a relationship with a friend in the following year. You both will be with each other (on and off) for the next four years. In the midst you will learn how to have a long distance relationship (as he will be deployed) how to balance love and family turmoil, dealing with romantic hardships and most importantly, how to know when its time to say goodbye to the relationship. As much as you think he is the one. He is not. This is not to say he is a bad person. You will actually learn many positive traits from him, you both simply cannot figure out how to bring the best out of each other. The decision to leave the relationship will be one of the wisest decisions you can make for the both of you. Throughout the after years of this relationship, you will meet several other suitors that are all very exciting and respectful. Enjoy this time and don’t get too attached as they all may have a way of connecting with you but are missing the most important pieces needed to be with you. That piece will be found soon enough and possibly at the best time. He will come into your life and you won’t even know how much he will mean to you later. He comes at the time of your life when you are confused as hell about what you want to do in your career. He becomes your best friend. He becomes a huge motivator for you. He becomes your #1 supporter. You will be confused because no one besides your family has ever truly looked out for your best interest. Thankfully for you, you have life experiences that make you appreciate your relationship with him much more than you would have, meeting him year’s prior. Timing is very important, and I’m starting to believe life is a bit strategic. You will see this if you connect the dots of your life and discover that everything you have been through sets you up perfectly for what you need to do in the present. So this blessing I speak of, is happening right now for you Christal, at the ripe age of 16. This blessing lives inside of you. You will have the best friendships anyone could ever imagine having. They will impact your life and become your role models. Just continue living your life through your morals and values, and I promise, life will be good to you. I know this, because I am you.

We have come a long way from the conservative times of the puritans, HOWEVER, it seems that the topic of sex has remained relatively tabu especially between partners.   How are couples supposed to grow and evolve sexually with no open communication between lovers?   The other question becomes, “why do we need to grow sexually? I am satisfiedwith the way things are.” Well you might be satisfied but are you sure your partner is? If there is any doubt when thinking about this question then don’t you owe it to your partner to be open minded to the idea of growth and exploration?   So many women complain that their husbands stare at the twenty something’s that walk by or are caught watching porn…Well what do you expect!?! They are probably fantasizing about something new that they are not experiencing currently. Most younger men and women are more open to trying new things. That is the bottom line. No, it’s not always because they might be better looking or have a “tighter body”. Your partner was attracted to you for a reason. You are still together for a reason. It is human nature to get bored with even the best if it becomes repetitive.   Take someone that just bought the car of their dream. They have longed for this car for years and after saving and dreaming about the car and maybe even some sacrifices, they finally got it! They drive it carefully and take good care of it, but after a while it is no longer their dream car. It becomes just…a car. Soon they see a new car that looks more fun and exciting. That new car might have more to offer than the “former car of their dreams.” Unfortunately, the old car cannot change itself to become more exciting or to look different. But you can!   Now, I’m not saying you need to change who you are and the way you look, but try surrendering yourself to your partner, the one you supposedly would do anything for, in in a way that grows you physically.   It’s all perspective. It may seem uncomfortable or embarrassing to put yourself out there and be vulnerable, but, the effort alone to be more adventurous will speak VOLUMES to your partner. Remember, this is the person you care about most right? Many people talk the talk and say, “I would do anything for this person,” but when it comes to the simple task of changing it up in the bedroom most become reluctant. The fear of being vulnerable in front of their partner takes over and slowly they psych themselves out.   There is a simple solution, when it comes to sex with your partner, don’t think,  just do.   Let love shine, Sensitive Flower

  “Our attitude towards life determines life’s attitude towards us.” — John N. Mitchell With all of life’s typical stresses, work, finance, health, children, traffic, tragedies and so on, it is often hard to maintain a good attitude. I mean, how could you? There’s so much going on in the world around us that the mind can not even process. Some of us may have a daily routine and don’t anticipate or want to anticipate any disruption. Disruptions come in all sorts of forms, some mentioned above. It is when our “plan” has a punctured whole right in the middle of it. How do we react? Could these disruptions ruin an overall perfectly good day?  How do we recover?  What could we and others benefit from a more positive attitude? On my way to work today, not only was traffic horrendous but I had NO gas. Stop and go traffic does not, in any way, help with a tank running on fumes. Barely making it to work, barely meaning, putt putting (sound of car) my way into work, I was already ten minutes late and missed an important meeting that was scheduled one week prior. Could this day get any worse?! … Yes. As the day continued, I had a significant amount of guests upset because their room was not ready for them to check into because of a sold out night we had prior. Oh yes… I forgot to mention, these are customers that gamble 500K or more in the casino. Could this day get any worse?! … Of course it can, on the way home I ran out of gas!  If this isn’t annoying I don’t know what is. I was having a perfectly good day until all these miscellaneous situations occurred with a motive to ruin my day! Why me? I am a peaceful person with an honest existence who believes in respect for all. Why must I receive such karma? “Attitude: (noun) manner, disposition, feeling, position, etc., with regard to a person, place or thing; tendency or orientation, especially of the mind.” If this is true, why do we give any of these situations so much power? As much as I thought I had an overall “good” attitude, the above thoughts prove otherwise. There is no need to find an answer for everything negative that happens. Especially to think I was special enough to receive such luck. Out of the 6 billion people that occupy this earth, I was the “chosen” one. The same way the body tries to cheats while working out, finding the easiest way to do exercises, the mind does the same by blaming situations for our reactions. Instead of accepting circumstances for what they are, we find every way of feeling sorry for ourselves. Recovery from this type of attitude however, is very difficult and takes a significant amount of attention. Just like quitting anything that you have always been use to doing. It requires you to catch yourself in the action acknowledging every irritation, frustration, and disappointments which almost always ends up in …well… more frustration. Life is ironic! This type of frustration is good though! At some point you will learn that these types of feelings are no fun and your mind will learn to adjust accordingly. Treat your mind as you would a muscle. train it to think positively. On this road to discovery, you will soon learn that thinking negatively and only focusing on getting answers that will not change the current situation only limits the possibility of finding real solutions. When your mind is open and adaptable, real answers will appear. Your day will also become significantly better because you will not allow little disruptions create a barrier to your  happiness. Happiness is positive, and positivity naturally shines a bright light to those that surround you. You could be that ONE person that makes the disruption for others disappear. If you can do it for one person, you could do it for many. There’s plenty of “good attitude” to go around.

Life can be weird with things happening unexpectedly, but as long as you embrace it and are true to yourself and others, it starts to make sense.

I lay awake thinking. Thinking about past, thinking about recent changes, and thinking about where I dream to be in the future. This could be the cause of my restless sleep. With all the time I waste “thinking” I should have everything figured out. So why am I still THINKING?! You read books on living in the moment, for that is all we have and how dwelling on the past or stressing about the future serve no purpose. This is such a pleasant thought, and so many times I WISH I were able to control my mind but I still find it hard to filter such thoughts. Recently, there was a passing of someone dear in my life. I am “acknowledging” that I am in a grieving stage (based on grieving 101 with grievance counselor) and “understand” that my way of dealing with it is two weeks of being (what my close friends and I call) a sensitive flower.For those of you who are reading this and don’t quite understand what this term means, I will give you a clear cut definition. Sensitive - a (1) : easily hurt or damaged; : easily hurt emotionally (2) : delicately aware of the attitudes and feelings of others Flower - … well… a flower, feminine I guess. Put them together and you get this: Sensitive Flower – a ball of irrational emotions; if you have a husband, boyfriend, close friend or family, tell them to save themselves before, God forbid, the wind blows the wrong way. Wonderful, now that I acknowledge that is what I am, what next? Well, as with any close loss or any drastic life situation, there will be some changes. Big or small, there will be some kind of changes. Whether it be your routine, your outlook, interactions with people and of course emotions. Change is difficult because well, its new. Change usually becomes an immediate negative for some people. I will do my friends the honor of throwing myself under bus after that statement. Yes, I can and have thought negatively toward change without giving it a real chance. Who wants to change familiarity? Routine is so comfortable! What we fail to realize is that life is much more than a routine. Life is so much deeper than your past and holds much more than you can ever imagine your future to be. Life changes everyday for everyone. Without change, life as we know it to be would still be sticks and rocks. Life will almost always change for the better with a positive and clear mind. Maybe the books are right. Maybe it is not so much controlling the changes in your life, but controlling your mind so you can adapt to changes. Let me hurry up and get my mind on lock down because thinking is not getting me any closer to my much needed rest. The present moment is all we have, so make each moment meaningful and filed with love and remember life can be weird with things happening unexpectedly, but as long as you embrace it and are true to yourself and others, it starts to make sense. Most importantly “be the change you want to see in the world.” -Mahatma Gandhi Peace & Laughter, Christal